Well known to me is how I can go at someone when I have an ax to grind. I am well aware of my capacity to be rough around the edges and my wife reminds me it is not the way to move forward in my career. That may be very true and maybe I have reached my high water mark. My passion for education is normally perceived this way. It seems that I am complaining, but I want to help come up with solutions. What I am realizing is that most people do not want to come up with solutions. They want to do enough to make their job easy and not fight to make it better. The status quo is good enough. This may be one reason that I need to get out of education, my passion for it is borderline psychotic, well maybe full psychotic.
What is wrong with education? As a teacher in Alabama I am lost and wondering how people continue to do it. Why is it so difficult? When did this become a career that consumed all your time and gave you no time to do other things for 10 months out of the year. I know complaining about working 10 months out of every year is something that most people do not want to hear, but I am complaining because this is out of control. Everyday it seems that I never want to step into a classroom again. Now this may be because I am not good at what I do, but I feel that it is because my profession is poorly run in this state. Yet, no one is wanting to make it work, they just shrug their shoulders and say, “This is how it is.” I can no longer abide by that answer. I did not accept it to begin with, but now I refuse to accept it anymore. I want to yell everyday that I am at work. No one wants to hear my opinions about these matters I understand, but something needs to be done. Change has to happen and since I cannot do it I might as well go get a job where I can make a living for my family and not get this stressed about changing things about education. I feel that I was brought back to this state for a reason and it is becoming more and more apparent that it was not for education.
Talking education, living it, and trying my best to make it better is what I have put all my energy into. I have a wonderful family and a great life, but my wife still has never seen me truly happy and she has only known me since I have been a teacher. This scares me on a certain level. It makes me fear that I have chosen my career poorly and now I am 36 years old and have to change yet again. The one thing that I have always been good at is change and I wonder if I need to take a break and have some repetition in my life. I have a passion for education and will hopefully fight till my dying day to make it better. I just know that teaching is not the way I will accomplish this goal, but when I got into education I never wanted to be a teacher my whole career. I wanted to make a difference and I continue to wonder if that will ever happen.