June of 2014 is going to open a whole new world to me and my wife. We will have a 3rd child. I can tell you this, it has always been my hope to have a big and healthy family and that day is coming to fruition. We have just moved into the ranks of more kids than parents. Most people think we are crazy and I understand that, but as it has been said before my wife is an amazing mother and as many children as possible should experience her warmth and love. As far as me, that is a very different story. Being a father is a great love of mine and I take the job very seriously, but I have not been winning an awards for being the best dad in the world. My kids seem to think that I am okay, but they are a little biased and they have no frame of reference yet. They haven’t met all the other dads yet and it will be years before they start analyzing where I failed as a father and point out my flaws as to why they turned out to be the person they are today. As you can tell my cynicism runs very deep. But that will never keep me from my goal of working to being the best dad that I am capable of ever being.
Every man that is raising young men into this world needs to take their responsibility very very seriously. You are raising the next generation of men that will be treating women the way they see you treating their mothers. Do not be scared of this responsibility, but be happy that you have been given this opportunity. I do not have any girls and may not in the future so I can only talk to raising young men. The fathers out there with daughters have a whole different task and one that I cannot give you any advice on, but know that your job is just as important. Just very very different. It feels that I have been being trained for this task for many years before I had my own children. Being a high school boy’s coach has shown me how influential a positive male role model can be to a young man who is confused and trying to figure out the ways of the world. I do not shy away from that moniker, role-model. That is what I have to be to raise these young men in this world we call reality. It feels that many in my generation do not want that responsibility, they shy away all to consumed in what is going on in their lives. That is the attitude of a boy, not a man. A man takes on what is put in front of him and tries his damnest to do the right thing. From my point of view we have a shortage of men in the world. That is right, I am calling the boys out in this world. If you are offended by this, you can believe you are not a man. The men in this world will know who they are and will be secure in their decisions. They will know that they are doing what needs to be done to raise the next generation of men. They will not have any qualms with calling out the boys in this world who have chosen to remain boys. We have a hard task set before us, but the reward is amazing.
My wife has always had a problem with me saying that I am not going to be my boys’ friend until they are out on their own in this world. My responsibility is not to be their friend. It is to have them go out into this world prepared to be a contributing members of society. They need to be respectful of woman and men, hard working, and honest. Too many parents now want to be their children’s friend. This is not something I have ever wanted to be. I have plenty of friends and my obligation to them is to be there for them and let them make decisions for themselves. Friends are there for support, both ways, and are people that you form a life long bond. Your sons count on you to help them make good decisions. This can be misconstrued as you should make the decisions for your boys. That is incorrect. You have to help them to learn to make choices and good choices in their lives. You also have to have a solid foundation with them that when they get older and have tougher decisions to make when they make mistakes, and they will make mistake, you are there to help them learn from these errors and for you not to take responsibility for their actions. One of the biggest problems I see with parents that I encounter is that they want to do everything for their children. This hinders them from making mistakes. Screwing up is part of life. I have learned more lessons from my wrong decisions than I have ever learned from my good decisions. But, that was possible because I had a father who knew it was much more important for me fail and figure out how to correct my failure than to fail and help me out in all those situations. As a man, I have a great obligation to my sons to let them make their own mistakes and to learn from them. In our home it is regularly stated that mistakes are okay, failure is okay, but giving up or quitting is never acceptable. These are lessons that my wife and I instill in our sons on a daily basis. Our two boys must always know that they are the ones making the decisions, but their is a proper way to do things and their decisions should be based off our standards. Saying this, the standards I have for my sons are very high. They did not get the easy draw in the father department. They will always be held to a very high standard, but I cannot hold them to that standard unless I myself am willing to set that example. There are many things that I am not, but a respectful grown man is not one of them. My father, such as myself, had his flaws. I cannot ever say that one of his flaws was raising a boy into a man. He taught me the things I needed to know to go out into this world and succeed, and everyday I am thankful for having a man raise me and not a boy.
Men of the world raising boys into men:
Know you have a great obligation to us all. You are the example that they will follow. They will look to you to see how to grow, live, act, and treat others. You cannot take this task lightly. This is your most important job. When you choose to be a father you took on this responsibility. This is not a responsibility you can shrug off because you are failing yourself and your son(s). Be a man and do what you have been chosen to do in this life. Know that your childish ways are behind you and you must be the example and model you want your son(s) to follow and grow into one day. We are here to raise a generation of men that will be better than ourselves. They will immolate what you have shown them. I beg of you to make it something that makes us all proud.